Week 6 Vegas Game Picks

Okay, so now that Mike and Toph stripped me of my interim job, I thought I would incorporate something new to keep the site fresh and exciting. I know I’ve got to keep constantly innovating if I want the readers coming back for more. It’s science. Ask Zuckerberg.

As such, I present to you the commissioner’s "Weekly Vegas Game Picks" brought to you by the good folks at Ernst & Young, who were recently back in the market looking for sponsorships (great timing). This segment is also brought to you by Milwaukee’s Best beer. You can’t have a gambling segment not sponsored by Milwaukee’s Best. Lon McEachern and Norm Chad would put us on the morphine drip if we didn’t.

(Please note these lines are subject to change based on your sit/starts, but they locked in at these when I placed my fake bets.)

LeShoure2 CRE8 Drama (-4.5) over Dirty Mike&The Boys

According to the Yahoo! Sports current projections, I’m in for a 7-1 finish to the season, coming in HOT for the playoffs. Amazing that a 29 point loss to Toph made Yahoo so confident in my team, it’s now anticipating I win nine games instead of eight.

Look, the reasons behind this pick are plain and simple. I’m biased as fuck getting back Mikel LeShoure and Denarius Moore. Minnesota has to feel like they owe it to AP to give him a TD after letting Harvin, Rudolph and Walsh (a.k.a Toph’s whole team) score all the points last week. Meanwhile, every TD Roddy scores, Ryan scores for me. Lloyd and Stevie have very tough matchups in the Seahawks defense and Patrick Peterson. And on top of all that, Mike’s battling the issue that the only person in the world who doesn’t think Ray Rice needs more touches is Cam Cameron, his offensive coordinator.

Another interesting tidbit: My fantasy wins in this league have an inverse relationship with the Giants wins and losses. Every week the Giants have lost, I’ve gotten a W to keep my chin up a little bit. Every game they’ve pissed away, my team has won big in fantasy. The fantasy losses can keep coming as far as I’m concerned. But let’s be real. The Giants left the Niners with a bad taste in their mouths last year. They’re going to come out pretty strong. Expect 120 points from me this week and a NYG loss.

LeShoure takes it going away.

SKYS OUT THIGHS OUT (+14.5) over DezB TROLLnSECURITY

If I’ve learned anything from gambling, it’s that you never bet against a QB coming off a concussion, two WRs that wouldn’t crack the starting lineup on 29 of the 32 NFL teams and a running back I’ve literally never heard of in my entire life at the pro or college level. You just never bet against those guys.

Ps. If you said to me this morning, “Bob. William Powell. What does he do?” Arizona Cardinals running back would have been my 142nd guess. Right behind world renown actuary and right before 18th President of the United States.

(Note: After I wrote this, Phil dropped Powell and gave LeGarrette Blount the start. Much like running backs I’ve never heard of at the pro or college level, you never bet against backups averaging less than five touches a game either. I’m sticking to my guns.)

Mr. Rodger’s Hood (+1.5) over Pink Fluffy Apes

Yahoo! is giving me 1.5 points?! If I was still doing the Power Rankings I would have had Edlin 9th and JJ in the top 3. Is there something I’m missing here? Fun fact. My buddy from work needed 5 points from Andre Johnson to win in fantasy this week. He lost by 4. Moral of the story: Andre Johnson is who we (with the exception of Toph for 6-8 years) thought he was – an overrated fantasy player. As is Demarco Murray and CJ Spiller (for three weeks now). Edlin’s girlfriend relies on these guys! Give me the points and give me the upset!

(Note: Edlin and JJ have since made a five player deal. It hasn’t gone through yet, but the line is volatile right now. So volatile. Stay away from this one until the dust settles.)

Mr. McGibblets (+5) over Captain Insano

Taking Zach solely for the reason he’s projected to get 95 points. Well over the 90 point glass ceiling Grant’s team can’t seem to break through. If G Com’s team was a fixed asset addition and my tolerable error was at 90 points, I wouldn’t be performing substantive procedures on them. I’d simply mark them as immaterial. You guys would be laughing at that comment if you were accountants. Trust me. No really, it’s funny stuff. Even without the kicker EVERYBODY FORGOT ABOUT!!! I’m taking McGibblets.

Heisenberg’s Heros (+6.5) over KDUBS ALL STARS

It does bother me that I’m betting on a team starting two Bengals wide receivers and a guy that picked up David Wilson after a game in which he got two carries and the guy ahead of him rushed for 200 yards. But the Law of Millaaa! says were due for him to surprise us again. When in doubt, take the points. Legatron is the difference in this one.